Marriage - now am at a stage where my family have started looking for a bride for me. As the search is on, I thought I would record what I feel about it. Word marriage triggers couple of questions.
Whether I like to be married to be or not? - Well the answer is irrelevant, it is something that I can't certainly ignore or run away from. And I have face to it.
Whether am scared of marriage? - Hell, yeah very much scared. New family, New relation and above all responsibility of managing a family will I be able to do it??. Big question mark looms.. only time will tell.
So am trying to get mentally prepared for it. I don't have control over on who will god send to accompany me. So one thing I can do is try to be a ideal husband to whomever who will be joining me. So now the question what makes an ideal husband. Well, everybody would have their opinions and I have mine too. For every girl, their first hero will be her father, according to me an ideal husband would be a person who would be sitting alongside father in girl's heart. Now, how can I do it?. Hmm, I think if I can follow these points, may be I will have a good chance.
1. Respect her privacy
Yes..she is a wife and there shouldn't be any secrets between husband and wife. But it shouldn't happen in forcible manner. Trust should be built in way that she shares all the things. Till the trust is build, respecting her privacy is key. First she is a Ms.'X' and then Mrs.ME, so it is very important to understand this and give Ms.'X' that private space she needs.
2. Respect her interest
I may not be interested in something that she likes/loves. She might like painting which I may completely dislike. But it is very important for me not to belittle or demean her interests. Continuous ridiculing of her interests might lead to bad consequences.
3. Respect her financial independence
Whether she is working or not, she should have freedom to spend the money the way she is used to do before marriage. She shouldn't feel the need to go through approval process suddenly after marriage.
4. Respect her thoughts & opinion
Since she is wife, it doesn't mean that she has to agree with me on all the things. She can view things from a different perspective from what I view. It is very important to look from her view too and sort out matters instead of fighting on differences.
5. Respect her feelings
Sometimes for us a relation could be meaningless because of the person who made the relation. For example a teacher, for me a teacher had not any particular impact in my life. But for her a teacher could be the one who made her what she is. Since i didn't get a good teacher doesn't mean every teacher is like that. I as a person/husband should understand this difference and respect the feelings/affection she has towards the person/things that she values/loves.
6. Respect her Family, Friends
Though she has physically left her family, friends to come to partner me, the affection she would have towards her family, friends will remain intact forever. So it is very important for me to treat her family and friends the same way she would treat them.
By saying all this am not saying am the purest soul on the earth. There is mile difference between just writing down and following. Am pretty sure most of guys who got married wanted to follow these. Despite their best efforts, following these could have been difficult due to situations that they might have encountered. It also hugely depends on who would have partnered them. It is like going to exam well-prepared, whether you pass or fail depends on question paper that comes your way. So being well-prepared can only reduce the probability of failure and no way guarantee success. Am trying to be prepared and whether am able to follow this or not, only time will tell :-). However noting down these to record my thoughts before marriage, so i can revisit later to see if am following these.
Buckling up and hoping for the best :-)